And then it waned...
Thursday, a day of giving thanks brought out the side of humanity I left in my past life: selfish, self serving, pretentious, and precocious... Everyone!
It wasn't until today that people started to seem human again. Thursday I bought a $10 bottle of wine to give my Thanksgiving Day hosts. It cost 1/6th of what I had to make it through an entire week. But I'm not upset about that. I've managed through another week keeping fuel in the tank and food in my belly. What twists me is that I spent what small amount of my hard earned money for something I wasn't even given the common courtesy of a "Thank You" for. Twice I offered up my small token of appreciation for the dinner invite, and twice I was snubbed without even much as a nod of acknowledgement! And it went downhill from there...
Pretentious talk of how much money people had, how many millions of dollars their homes are worth, the boats they have bought for themselves, the new European automobiles shining in the driveway... People talking out their ass about things they claim to know about, and when I corrected them about an industry I spent over 15 years of my life working in I was made to shut up and mind my own business.... I don't have a wallet big enough to have an opinion worth listening to. I was looked down upon by those of affluence because I quit my corporate job and started a new life.
The whole weekend sounded like a broken record - my customers treating me as if I was some kind of man-servant of theirs... Barking orders at me, laughing at me behind my back, bitching to each other about their miserable corporate lives and how much money they make... It was sickening!
I think that is one of the reasons I hate this time of year - not only does it bring me sadness because of the loves and lives lost to me during the holidays, but just because of the greedy and materialistic nature it has morphed into.
I've already decided I'm going to work on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. I have neither the funds nor the family any longer for the Holiday to bring me anything other than sadness and heartache. I'll just spread my cheer in other ways: helping those that need a lift, need a meal, or just need a friend to listen.
And that is what this time of year should mean to we humans: a time of giving. Not take, take, take.... No precocious pretentiousness.
My uncle told me after I was hospitalized twice for what I thought was a combination of heart attack & stroke (turns out it was WAY too much stress) that I was 45 - half way to 90. My life is half over. And to start living the other half of it! And fill it with what makes me happy, not miserable. Life is too short! And that is what I've done! I've started living again - on MY terms!
And to all of those too affluent to appreciate and accept my new life and my newfound happiness - a life without much funding, but rich beyond measure without stress - I'll keep a good thought for you as I walk down my beach at sunset!
