2016 will not be that way.
After receiving a $2 tip last night I could at last eat again after 3 days. And as I sat alone in the front seat of my car inhaling my $2 meal special from 7/11 I cried my eyes out. Out of loneliness.
I've spent the last 3 months alone fighting the battle to live again. I've filled every hour with either working distractions, sleep, or self destruction to tamp down the pain & loneliness I feel.
And the love of friends called out from great distances urging me to make a fresh start for the new year among friends. Not the multitude of so called friends I thought I'd made over 15 years in Charlotte (other than 2). But the vast childhood & college friends of 25 years and longer. Urging me to stop trying to rebuild my life alone, and allow myself to heal among friends.
My aunt told me I need to let go of my anger. I agree. The beach has cast negative entities all along my path of attempting to heal. And it is not helping me. I am losing the battle. And what occurred to me is that my true friends have never abandoned me, and have always found love in their hearts to keep me propped up so that I could move past whatever pain life managed to throw at me. Their love kept me from being alone so that I could find a way to heal and live in the light.
I take signs shown to me very seriously as of present. In the past I missed them. Presently the signs are from friends urging me to come home where they can love me and keep me. Where self destruction and loneliness do not exist.
They all tell me to go west, young man. Come home and be with your friends who love you.
And so I proclaim my New Year's resolution for 2016. I shall....
