Day 71 - Tonight We Dine!!!

I don't remember the last time I had a steak dinner...

I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard...

I don't remember the last time I held my head up this high and walked with confidence!

And I don't remember the last time I was truly home! Back to where this life adventure started...

Texas! 

Or rather, TEXAS!!!! (Because everything IS bigger here!)

It's been almost 25 years since I left. I've spent over half my life away from home. I've chased dreams. I've chased love. I've chased making my way in life - the way I saw how it should be according to my mind. 

I've chased my tail...

And I've returned home with less than I left with...

But there has always been something here that never left - the love of friends!

And that is what called me home - my friends, and their love!

I arrived on the doorstep of a dear old friend yesterday morning. What you see is the only material evidence left of my 25 year journey... Other than what I carry inside... 

And I laughed longer and harder than I have in months as stories of youth were revisited between two old friends last night. My tears, pain, and anger were relinquished by love, joy, and laughter. And the loving embraces given to me and holding me tight let fly from me all of the pain and anguish from that journey taking harbor inside me. There was, at last, a calm after a 30 year storm tearing apart my soul...

Today I cried the last of the tears remaining that I have buried deep within. Today a new chapter of life begins on a blank page. At home. At last... In Texas... 

And tonight WE DINE!!!

Day 67 - Go West Young Man...

Other than 1986, 2015 has gone into my past as probably the worst year I've lived through. I've been hospitalized, abandoned, robbed, homeless, penniless, hungry, forsaken, and finally - alone. 

2016 will not be that way. 

After receiving a $2 tip last night I could at last eat again after 3 days. And as I sat alone in the front seat of my car inhaling my $2 meal special from 7/11 I cried my eyes out. Out of loneliness. 

I've spent the last 3 months alone fighting the battle to live again. I've filled every hour with either working distractions, sleep, or self destruction to tamp down the pain & loneliness I feel. 

And the love of friends called out from great distances urging me to make a fresh start for the new year among friends. Not the multitude of so called friends I thought I'd made over 15 years in Charlotte (other than 2). But the vast childhood & college friends of 25 years and longer. Urging me to stop trying to rebuild my life alone, and allow myself to heal among friends. 

My aunt told me I need to let go of my anger. I agree. The beach has cast negative entities all along my path of attempting to heal. And it is not helping me. I am losing the battle. And what occurred to me is that my true friends have never abandoned me, and have always found love in their hearts to keep me propped up so that I could move past whatever pain life managed to throw at me. Their love kept me from being alone so that I could find a way to heal and live in the light. 

I take signs shown to me very seriously as of present. In the past I missed them.  Presently the signs are from friends urging me to come home where they can  love me and keep me. Where self destruction and loneliness do not exist. 

They all tell me to go west, young man. Come home and be with your friends who love you. 

And so I proclaim my New Year's resolution for 2016. I shall....