On the Wings of Dragonflies

This was originally written as an entirely too long Facebook post in the wee hours yesterday morning, and I thought it deserved a better place to live as it really is more of a Blogpost. Thanks for reading!

For the most part I have managed to choke back my first instinct to publicly speak my mind when something temporarily takes me out of my happy pirate place and reminds me that I have very deep scars that still bleed. I will read something and then start to write some passive aggressive barb about it only to stop myself sometimes after writing it all out completely to then post for the whole world to see. And then I simply resign myself to say out loud to the Universe that it really doesn’t matter now does it? And I click delete.

The ones who wronged me and did their very best to destroy my life don’t care. So why give them any power.

A family that turned their back on me in a time where I was so lost I couldn’t even feed myself, and either lived in a crack invested slum motel with prostitutes for neighbors, the front seat of my broken down car, or shared a roof with roaches & rats for roommates in the back room of ghetto hovel. That “family” that has been non-existent in my life for 2 years and have no clue of the battle I fought to survive nor seem to care. So why give them that power over me.

But seeing this...

“The Dragonfly brings dreams to reality and is the messenger of wisdom & enlightenment from other realms”

It made me angry and moved me to write this post long after I should be in bed, except for this insomnia that likes to see just how long it can make my scars bleed before I can finally sleep. But in my sometimes sleepless life that I have been working to put back together for myself for 2 years I find that The Universe has indeed been teaching me lessons that now I can understand and make sense from.

This latest “Dragonfly” test makes the perfect example. Let me explain:

My Ex-Fiancé was big into Dragonflies. She claimed that the Dragonfly was her animal spirit and it was so very special to her because it represented metamorphosis and change. She identified with that, and hung her metamorphosis and change she’d experienced on how the theory that my presence in her life had changed her permanently for the better. In fact, the Dragonfly was so important to her I made it the very heart of my proposal speech I nervously delivered to her from Center Stage in front of a sold out audience during the curtain speech I delivered in the very Theatre where we first met. I went down on one knee when I called her to the stage to place a ring I custom designed to subtly symbolize a Dragonfly on her finger and asked her to be my wife, she said yes, the audience stood up in standing ovation, and then just 5 months later she destroyed my life plunging me into a Hell to be greeted at its door by my new roommates that the Orkin man should have evicted...

So, naturally my hackles went up at first glance of what the Dragonfly means and what it has brought me. But I passed the test for this lesson taught by the Universe. Because, according to what this says about the Dragonfly it is right on the money.

The Dragonfly brought my dreams of doing what I love more than anything on this planet to a reality. I get to be what I told my mother at 7 years old I wanted to be when I grew up. An actor. I make my living now performing onstage full time in the #1 rated show in Myrtle Beach, SC where I make memories for hundreds of thousands of people a year. And that same Dragonfly has indeed brought me messages of wisdom and enlightenment from other realms. For without this 2 year journey of self enlightenment which the Dragonfly has led me down, I would not have gained the wisdom bestowed upon me which I believe the Universe and my own Spirit Guardians have been attempting to teach me most of my life. It is no coincidence that I found this Dragonfly meme on my Facebook feed today of all days. It dawned on me as I compose this that today, October 2nd, 2017 would have been our first wedding anniversary had my life not changed so drastically as it had for me.

And with that insomnia releases its hold on me at this late hour. But before I bed down finally this night I would like to say one last thing. I would like to say a thank you.

Thank you Shannon. Thank you for bringing me the Dragonfly.

Day 32 - In Remembrance...

December 2nd has been a date I wish I could erase from my mind. It has marked tumultuous anniversaries for me: the date my divorce was final from my ex-wife, only to have her drag me down for the following three years into the muddy quicksand of a bankruptcy; the date I first asked out the woman I still love beyond reason three years ago today (formerly known as my fiancé) - She who cast me out of my former life without a word; and the date where 29 years ago a son found something no child should ever lay eyes on, the corpse of his Mother - her life taken by her own hand. 

I have done something today I have never done before. I travelled to see my Mother today on this date. I write this as I sit by her graveside. I guess I'm hoping it will bring some closure to a wound that still shoots pain throughout my soul. This is the first time in 29 years I've been with my Mother on this date. I miss her still so desperately. But I know she is still with me - although she lives on a different plane of existence as I. I know all those I've loved and lost this time of year are: Boo, Uncle Bob, Grandmommy, and Mom. I know they are with me because of the signs they send. 

This morning I woke at 6:00am - approximately the time I woke up 29  years ago to the house of horror I discovered. I went to the door to go outside to smoke a cigarette and down a cup of coffee before I went off to work. And as I opened the door I was greeted very loudly by my feline friend Francis who all but jumped up into my arms after a loud barrage of "cat chatter!" I take that as a sign because I haven't seen him in over a week. I was afraid something happened to him! No, as before, he was sent to comfort me in my sadness. Sent to let me know I'm still loved and everything will be alright. Just keep walking in the light!

So instead of sequestering myself away as I usually do on 12/2 I am sitting at my Mother's gravesite sharing my thoughts with her as I write. I know she sees and hears me from the plane of her existence.  And that makes me smile on this day - I love you Mom, and I miss you!

Michele Anne Wilson

6/1/47 - 12/2/86