Showing posts with label Stephen Lamar Wilson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stephen Lamar Wilson. Show all posts

Saturday, May 27, 2017

In & Out of the Arms of My Mistress...

Ten weeks ago I set sail for the greatest adventure I've ever plotted a course to navigate. The storms I've weathered in life abruptly ceased, the skies opened up, and blessings radiated down upon me carried upon beams of sunlight.  My emancipated form literally arrived on a wing and a prayer with a couple of suitcases filled with most all of my worldly possessions of clothes, laptop, iPhone & iPad to a beach offering a gift to restore my life and fulfil my dreams. The most beautiful soul I know and love bought the plane ticket for me, and filled my empty pockets with a few hundred dollars for food and living expenses, and arranged a week of lodging in a cozy motel on the beach. The rest was up to me.



Fast forward to the present day. Memorial Day Weekend. I write this post slurping on hot java from the deck of my current abode overlooking the scenic glory of one of the many popular golf courses in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Yet another Blessing from on High that literally fell into my lap in the form of a fully furnished 3 bedroom/3bathroom townhouse that I share with another gentleman and his canine companion, Charlie. A perfect arrangement where I can contribute to the cost of my lodging in a "pay as you go" way that coincides with my bi-weekly pay periods.  My closely cropped salt & pepper scalp and grizzled grey bearded scruff no longer exist, but have evolved into a considerably longer mane erupting from the entire surface area of my skull like a Chia Pet, and are now jet black courtesy of the "Just For Men" aisle at the local Walmart. And I've managed put the famous "Freshman Fifteen" back onto my sturdy haunches through three square meals a day.  Yours truly, the Pirate King Blackbeard, seems to be sailing through calm seas with a steady breeze in a sturdy vessel!

And I am! For the first time in almost two years I have finally found my independence at long last where I can proudly provide for myself again!  For the first time in almost two years I have regained my footing without having my legs swept out from underneath me knocking me back down to the ground with a hopeless thud! And for the first time in many years I have found happiness again! True happiness that rushes to embrace me with her loving arms every time I walk through the "Castmember Entrance" of the Theatre that is currently Pirates Voyage!

However, happiness comes with price.  And as of late I find myself having to pay the cost of that price.

It is no great mystery that in order to achieve the things in life that we truly desire one must sacrifice other things. And so it is with me as I sail along my current heading in this fantastic adventure. I also think it is a lesson The Universe demands that I understand completely. 

Those who have known me the longest understand why I call the Theatre "My Mistress." No matter what misfortune has transpired in my life She has always been there for me with open arms and unconditional love.  And I love Her more than anything in life. She gave Herself to me at age 5 and never left. I would wander off, sometimes for years on end. But Her love has never faltered and She has never turned me away when I would return to Her.  Every time Her love growing exponentially. But like every mythological tale of true love, there is a tragic side to the story. And in this instance it is at Her doorstep. You see, She continues to love me like no other, and I Her.  But only in the sanctity of Her domain. Once I leave Her sanctuary and walk out the "Castmember Entrance" to return to the mortal world I reside in She is unable to follow me home, break bread with me, enjoy a moonlit conversation, or even wrap herself around me and drift off to sleep.  That is the price for her unconditional love and happiness.

And it is currently there at that place where I ponder this most recent lesson of The Universe. In every other instance throughout my life I would seek companionship upon leaving the arms of my Mistress. In years past I would latch on to any warm body feigning love and lose my identity completely, only to get crushed and go running back to my Mistress with a broken heart. Lately it is the warmth of my oldest, dearest, and most loved friends that I find myself missing the most and wishing were with me to enjoy this ride. I've made a few new Pirate friends, but other than a certain Calico Co-Star that has heard a Readers Digest version of my life events over the last two years and shares enough theatrical background and life experience to become a trusted friend, everyone else thinks I'm a certified lunatic.  And that's okay. They're very young and don't know what I've been through to get to where I am now in my life, and that because I spend all of my time outside the "Castmember Entrance" alone I turn into a 47 year old child at recess on the playground.  And so today, a dreaded day off without my Mistress, I quietly contemplate this newest lesson The Universe is working to teach me: that it is okay to be truly happy and be by myself at the same time.

And just as I typed this I glanced at the clock... 11:11... And that was The Universe saying that I'm catching on at last! I may currently be sitting by myself and out of the arms of my Mistress that will shower me with love again tomorrow when I walk through Her doors, but I am never truly alone!



Saturday, December 31, 2016

Ashes to Ashes... Auld Lang Syne



Auld Lang Syne... What on Earth does that mean? The Scotch/Irish in me says it means "times gone by" and is about friends from the past and not letting them be forgotten. I watched "When Harry Met Sally" for the umpteenth time the other night, and even Harry was confused by the saying. "Should old acquaintance be forgot? Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances? Or does it mean that if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot them?"

Sally comes back to say "Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something."

I never really gave it much thought myself until recently. I told the person closest to me today that I feel abandoned. Those I loved most in former life exiled me from their lives a little over a year ago, never to say another word to me - as if I had died. My own family has disappeared from my life as well in a time where I didn't know how to survive until the next tomorrow. Were it not for that one special soul, now dearest to me, I know I wouldn't have seen much beyond July of this year. ​My year long personal human crisis has literally beaten the life out of me so relentlessly I've lost 25% (or roughly 55 pounds) of my former self. The most bowdlerized dismantling created out of my feeling of forgotten abandon which has been keeping me staring bleary eyed into the dark - night after sleepless night - sculpting my evaporating reflection...

2016 beat down the souls of many. And took the souls of many from us. Just this week depriving us of two souls that brought joy to millions. I myself cried an entire night over the loss of Carrie Fisher. Sleepless and sobbing ​like 2 year old over the death of someone I've never met, and then grasping at anything at all to stop the tears by trying to find some logical sense as to WHY exactly I'm so overwrought with emotion. Only to realize over and over again how she and a handful of unknowns created something so magical in a galaxy far, far away some 40 years ago, that still to this day THAT magic continues to make a profound impact on me! It is the very reason why I still have an insatiable appetite to pursue my dream. And in creating my own personal tribute to her (seen at the bottom of this post) I realized how important people are and that we remember them fondly. Because in the blink of an eye, life itself becomes a fleeting memory...

So, as you toast with champagne and share a kiss with someone special as 2017 is born later this evening ponder Sally's take on Auld Lang Syne, and let no one become abandoned. Remember those forgotten, so that they may live on within our souls forever.


For Carrie... Forever Our Princess

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Day 26 - The True Meaning of Thankful!

I just wrapped a 24 hour shift so that I can reach some personal financial goals for next week. I even got a phone number from a pretty woman tonight for the first time in 3 years! The full moon shined down on me yesterday, and last night for a change, instead of turning me into a wild, howling animal it brought forward light, hope, and love of humanity! 😊
So, before I bed down for a well deserved nap today, I wanted to express my Thanks to The Universe...

I am thankful for a roof over my head! 

I am thankful for the food in my belly, small amount as it is (but I need a flat belly if I'm gonna wander the shores of My Beach)! 

I am thankful for the gas in my tank! 

I am thankful for the hundreds of souls beaming with positive light of whom I have met over the last month - restoring some of the faith I had in humanity! 

I am thankful for witnessing a breathtaking sunrise just before I call it a night. 

And I am thankful for those I hold closest and dearest to my heart - the ones who watch over me from this world, and the next!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! After you read this turn to the person closest to you and pull them tight to you, and tell them why & how you are thankful that he/she is in your life and suddenly wrapped in your arms!!!

L